Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
