I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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