Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
