Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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