Define "chronic" masturbator.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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