If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
