I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
