Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
