he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
