I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
