When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
