Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
