So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We are all done wearing pants today
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
