problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
