Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
