hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
