i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
