Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
