I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
where does the pee come out of this thing
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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