I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
