we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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