There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
