a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
