Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
