Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
