You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
