I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
