We're facebook friends in real life
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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