I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
