well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
