I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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