i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize