Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize