allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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