i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
