I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
