foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
