home. puking in laundry basket.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
