watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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