I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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