Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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