Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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