U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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