Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
