My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
