too bad you live with your parents still
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
