1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize