I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
