Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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