margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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