Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
