Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
When are your genitals available?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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