it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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