They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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