I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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