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Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
