True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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