Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
