NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
