Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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