my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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