so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
