Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
