I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
