oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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