Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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