I wish they made helmets for livers.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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