need another drink. this is the easiest way
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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