He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
