Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I am mentally ready for anal.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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