youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
