Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
