Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
