you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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