He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
