my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
