p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
