What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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