literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
