Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
