she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
