The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
