If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
