Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize