Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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