he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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