How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
