We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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