I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
